QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!? - The Beaverton

QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?

Everyone has noticed the cryptic signs that form disturbing patterns around their home every evening. But are you able to decipher what the forces from beyond the veil want of you? Dear Lord what is it that they want? Take this handy quiz to find out!

1. An ethereal hand keeps pushing its way through the wall plaster and points at the framed photo of your infant son. What do the elder ones want from me?!
They desire the soul of the innocent. You know what you have to do.
They are alerting you to a great danger that will befall your child. Cover all images in your home now! Beware the Dark Bishop’s howl…
They are looking for a good photographer for promo photos in selling a ghost house. Can you send an intro e-mail to hook them up?
2. The bathroom mirror is bleeding. It’s bleeding! IT’S BLEEDING! Honey, get up it’s happening again!!
The spirits want a sacrifice of your vanity. You must scar your own face to ward off their grasp.
They warn you that the Dark Bishop and his Spectral Choir can enter our world through the mirror dimension. Quickly! Shatter all the glass in your home before it’s too late.
Do you have a good glass guy? The ghosts are redoing their bathroom and they need a good glass guy. Not Tony’s Glass and Tile though. They’ve used them before and got cheated pretty badly.
3. The buzzing whispers are coming from inside the carved bust of your grandfather. You’ve never heard ancient Sumerian before but it’s definitely ancient Sumerian. Why won’t it stop?!
Your grandfather formed a pact long ago and the payment is now due. Surrender your mind to the Goat with a Thousand Young.
Destroy the sculpture now! The sculpture is the gate! The sculpture is the gate! The Dark Bishop sings!
The ghosts want to know who you got to do this. Their wife’s birthday is coming up and they thought it would be nice to do a carving of her beloved ghost-father. It would look great in their hallway. Was he cheap?
4. All the paintings are melting now. Will the rambling madness never cease plaguing your waking moments?!
The chaos beasts want you to place your hand upon the swirling images and join their world forever!
he eyes of the paintings allow the Dark Bishop to see. Without them his sockets lie empty, screaming into the void. They destroy the paintings to save your soul.
The ghosts desire the knowledge of how to prevent wet paint from smearing in a hot climate. Is it vinyl or oil based paint on the portraits of your ancestors?
5. When your eyes are closed you see only an image of your own skull staring back at you. You don’t know how you recognize your own skull but you do. What are they trying to say!?
They warn of what may come to pass if the Dark Bishop is permitted entry to this sphere
What do you think of this shade of bone-white for the backsplash in a kitchen?
6. Every door in your home opens up into the room you just exited. Why won’t they release you from this torment?
You are not in your home any longer. You have now entered the Shadow Slice.
Trapping you in a closed dream loop is the only way to protect you from the Pale Men, the soldiers of the Dark Bishop. Stay quiet you fool!
See? This is the kind of layout the ghosts are trying to avoid. Any thoughts on how to make the whole floor plan flow a little better?
QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?
The ghosts simply toy with you
The confusion which tortures your waking moments trying to decipher their insane message simply seasons the sweet taste of your soul at the time of harvest. The reality is that there is no meaning beyond your own crumbling psyche.
QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?
The ghosts are your protectors
They are the past victims of the Dark Bishop’s unholy crusade and the only line of defence between yourself and the nether. Heed their warnings and trust in their assistance lest you be devoured by the coming blasphemous storm.
QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?
The ghosts are doing a home renovation project and would really appreciate your thoughts
It’s not easy to communicate with the living so they are doing their best to figure out if you think that a pale purple accent wall is too gauche against red hardwood baseboards. Look at their colour swatches lest ye be damned!
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Images via Pixabay, WikimediaSneaky Camel Productions
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