LOS ANGELES – With the passing of Hugh Hefner this week, the estate announced today that the final earthly remains of the Playboy founder and cultural icon will be cremated and then interred within a shoebox, safely tucked away at the very back of your father’s sock drawer, so no one will know it’s there.
“It was what he wanted,” said Hefner’s wife, Crystal Harris, 31, noting that her husband’s magazine was frequently cloistered away in the very same place. “It was either that or between your teenage brother’s mattress and the bed frame, or in the upper shelf within your garage beside some of the tools that no one has touched in ages.”
“I think he will rest peacefully.”
With the funeral scheduled for later this week, Playboy staff have already encountered difficulties, after pages in the first batch of programs printed for the Hefner memorial service came out stuck together.
At press time, after looking for his lucky socks, your father was surprised to discover Hugh Hefner’s remains but decided not to tell your mom, and then quietly took them into the bathroom for a while.