Donald Trump addresses UN General Assembly with face covered in wing sauce

NEW YORK – US President Donald Trump gave his much anticipated first speech to the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday, and while the speech was historic in content, it will primarily be remembered because Trump delivered it with his face completely covered in chicken wing sauce.

Analysts are divided if the wing sauce was meant as a provocation to the United Nations, an organization that Trump had frequently criticized in the past, or if Trump just got extremely careless with his meal, and characteristically ignored his aides pleas to wipe his face.

Trump spoke for about 40 minutes, and explained right before his speech in front of world leaders, “I had some great wings at my hotel for breakfast today, it’s best wings in the world. Not far away. I highly, highly recommend them. Stupendous! Believe me.”

“It’s clearly a strong message of aggression towards North Korea,” said Helen Banford, an expert in international diplomacy from Georgetown University. “He was demonstrating that, whether it’s the threat of a nuclear conflict or his own face, Donald Trump is not afraid to get messy.”

“Wings are an American food, and the place most famous for wings is Buffalo, NY, which is directly across the Canadian border,” analyzed Mark Yardley, who writes on international trade for The Economist. “It’s a clever way of signaling that the U.S. are going to be relying on America first, rejecting NAFTA, and won’t be seeking imports of chicken wings, or other foodstuffs.”

“I was unable to tell with 100% certainty what flavour of wing sauce was on Donald Trump’s face during the speech,” opined chicken wings expert Guy Fieri. “It’s definitely not Honey Garlic- it’s probably just your garden variety medium wing sauce, with an outside chance of BBQ. Very presidential.”

“We have all sorts of cultures represented here at the UN,” explained UN General Secretary Antonio Guterres. “President Trump comes from a culture where you don’t wipe your face after eating chicken wings. We are happy to accommodate him”

At press time, Trump had still not wiped his face and his staff was trying to prevent him from walking into a meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu with a half eaten slice of Hawaiian pizza on his tie.

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