Local man fails to lose weight despite thinking about working out for over a week

RED DEER – Roger Monroe has reported being frustrated by his failure to lose despite following a strict regimen of what it would be like to go to the gym a lot for a full 10 days.

“It’s just not fair,” reported Monroe after weighing in at 225 pounds yet again. “It’s like there was no point to all that time I spent online researching the best types of cardio.”

“Maybe I should just give up and stop thinking about myself as a buff gym rat altogether,” he added as he shook a protein shake he would never drink.

Monroe has followed a strict weight loss fantasy regiment. Every day he spends 45 minutes pondering high intensity sprints, followed by 30 minutes of considering lifting weights, and 20 percolating about .

“I feel so bad for Eric. It’s such a shame that all that work he put in talking about getting in like really good shape while we eat didn’t work,” said friend Steve Bowden.

At press time Monroe was pleased to find out that he hadn’t gained any weight despite thinking about cake for over an hour.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book