PRAGUE – International Relations student Michael Kenley has had a huge self-realization while on his summer abroad in Europe, discovering deep down that he loves readily accessible drugs and having sex with attractive people his age.
“This trip has totally changed my life,” said Kenley, wiping tears from his eyes. “Studying at UofT, I had an idea that I enjoyed these things. But this beautiful country has made me really see how much I love sleeping with Czech 20-somethings while on E.”
Kenley is currently one of 16 students in his “Wonders of European Law” course, which has so far involved ten hours of lecture every week and spending every other waking hour either in a drug-fueled fuck fest or recovering from one.
“Michael has always been bright, but I think he’s really discovering his passion on this trip,” said supervising professor Bob Tudmoor, pounding back €2 pints. “I think he has real potential to keep on having international relations while slamming psychedelics, like some of the study abroad greats.”
“I mean good god, throw the kid into any country with an ounce and he could probably plow through a whole village.”
Kenley is not alone in his discovery, with many other affluent white men in his class having similar epiphanies on the trip.
“We were in France for a weekend, on a beautiful lakefront,” said Samuel Fairwick. “I looked down at the empty absinthe bottle and the woman I’d met through Czech Tinder, and somehow I knew that this is what I was meant to be doing.”
Kenley and Fairwick, among others, have argued against claims made by other students that their idea of expanding their horizons is just an abuse of their privilege.
“That’s ridiculous, I’ve gone through a lot in my life to get to to this point,” said Kenly. “Do they have any idea how hard it was to convince my parents to pay for this course again after failing it twice? Not to mention lying about how much spending money I’d need.”
At press time, Kenley is being detained for attempting to takes drugs onto his flight home and was heard saying “this can’t be legal” and “Europe is bullshit.”