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Kid not allowed to eat candy reports apples ‘fun snack’

TORONTO- Biting into cut up pieces of honeycrisp prepared by his health conscious parents, local six year old, Thurman Jackson, made news this week after officially declaring apples a “fun snack.”

“I know a lot of kids that say that apples are yucky or poopy, but I think they are great,” said Thurman in the midst of drawing a self portrait where his eyes are dots and his mouth is a rectangle biting into a red orb presumably representing an apple.

“Apples are fun!”

Thurman’s parents recently disclosed that their son is on a sugar, gluten and dairy free diet, leading experts to speculate his enthusiasm for the fruit is based solely on his ignorance of objectively tastier and sweeter candy.

“All this processed food is bad for you,” explained Thurman’s mother Janice. “As long as I’m around, he will never even eat fast food. He actually thinks McDonald’s is a store that sells the letter M.”

“It’s great that kids are gullible forever.”

Despite all this, the young Jackson seems to be unfathomably content to live in a world where he doesn’t know what a “Kit-Kat” tastes like. And while he maintains that “all apples are yummers,” authorities believe that sentiment will change once he tires a Golden Delicious apple: the mealiest, grossest apple of all.

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