Jealous Macron angrily refreshing Trudeau-Obama coverage every five seconds - The Beaverton
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Jealous Macron angrily refreshing Trudeau-Obama coverage every five seconds

PARIS — The so-called “” between former US President Barack and Canadian has once again captured the world’s imagination, according to French president , whom staffers say has been angrily refreshing coverage of the encounter every five seconds since yesterday.

Obama and Trudeau enjoyed a private, candle-lit dinner following the President’s hugely anticipated speaking engagement in Trudeau’s hometown of Montreal, or as Macron calls it, “garbage Paris” – an encounter the newly elected French leader insists is no big deal.

“Pfft, whatever. Monogamy is so bourgeois,” he shrugged while seated across from German chancellor Angela Merkel at a Parisian café’s most publicly visible table. “Justin is free to see whomever he wants, as am I. Right, Chancellor?”

“He literally has not looked up from his phone since we sat down,” sighed Merkel. “Other than to check if anyone’s taken our photo.”

Trudeau and Macron’s brief encounter at a G7 summit last May in Sicily was marked by long walks on the beach, and sunset watching that Macron today dismissed as “totally meaningless, and definitely not something I’ve been journaling about for the past two weeks, or documenting in any kind of prized, super secret scrapbook. Okay?”’

Macron added that any member of his inner circle will gladly tell you that he plays Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose” and stares forlornly into the distance pretty much all the time, and that any reading into it says more about you than it does him so just leave him alone, putain.

Still, while most geopolitical ‘shippers’ are delighted by the reemergence of ‘TruBama,’ the majority of them remain unconvinced we’ve seen the last of ‘MacDeau.”

“They just have so much in common,” explained Tess Horner, an editor at popular gossip site HuffPost. “They speak the same the language, their political ambitions are completely intertwined, and they’re constantly messaging each other. They remind me a lot of Trump and Putin, except human and consensual.”