University revolutionary pretty sure intelligentsia won’t get purged this time

TORONTO – Two years into his undergraduate degree, local student Sam Taylor is convinced he won’t be one of the ones put up against the wall when the comes.

“No, I’m on the People’s side,” said Taylor, who belongs to a class that can afford to spend 25 hours a week out of the workforce for four entire years. “Why would they resent me?”

While Taylor would likely survive the first few rounds of purges, experts agree he would be liquidated roughly halfway through a standard revolution, for holding such reactionary views as, ‘the names of the months are fine as they are’, and ‘extrajudicial killings are sometimes not justified’.

“Sam’s a nice kid, but he’s not a worker, so after a certain point, our interests would no longer align,” said John Enten, who breaks rocks for a living. “Plus, look how thin and soft his neck is. He’s pretty much asking to get guillotined.”

But Taylor insists a revolution needs intellectuals, citing , who was shot in the face and beheaded, and , whose friends were purged after his death.

“If they just chat with me about ’s Manuscripts of 1844 for a minute, they’ll see I’m with them,” said Taylor, who is, at best, , at worst, someone the Khmer Rouge would have pickaxed because he wore glasses. “Just a rational discussion with the angry mob, is all it would take.”

At press time, a breakdown of the rule of law had somehow ended up benefiting people with the money and power to enact violence, and not socially disadvantaged groups.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book