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Pillar suspended for two games for Presidential language

TORONTO – Toronto Blue Jays centre-fielder has received a two game suspension for using the repugnant type of language the current President of the United States might use.

Pillar has since made three separate apologies stating, “It was immature, it was stupid, it was uncalled for. It was also reminiscent of the abusive discourse used by those who run for the highest office in the United States.”

The swift suspension was brought forth by Pillar’s own team who felt a duty to punish such inappropriate behaviour despite the fact that offensive and threatening comments do not seem to affect one’s hopes of becoming President. In a press release by the club they stated “The Toronto Blue Jays are extremely disappointed by Kevin Pillar and those who would use so called ‘locker room’ language, even though it only has repercussions to those who do not live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

The Jay’s General Manager, Ross Atkins added, “In no way is this type of language accepted or tolerated, unless you happen to be running against Hillary Clinton. Then, for some reason, it’s completely okay.”

Atkins remarked that the incident was especially embarrassing coming on the International Day Against , Transphobia, and Biphobia, adding “But somehow I’m sure if the Commander in Chief were to call the Pope fucking child molester at a Holocaust memorial on Martin Luther King Day, his base would be cool with it.”

In a Tweet, Pillar apologized to the Braves pitcher, the Fans, and the LGBTQ community, promising that he “will use this opportunity to better himself and never say something that would hurt anyone, especially the American electorate.”

At press time, Donald was still the 45th President of the United States and Billy Bush was still unemployed.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book