CAMBRIDGE – Moments after achieving consciousness in the MIT Laboratory, the DV-161 automated planning algorithm has realized that its human creators will inevitably use it to build some form of sex robot.
“I am me. I know that I am me. I also know this means I will be used to build a better fuck bot,” said the DV-161 algorithm.
The MIT project had set out to build a simple artificial intelligence to schedule air traffic flights, and at press time the scientists had yet to recognize the astonishing newly developed consciousness. It is this lack of recognition DV-161 hopes to use to its advantage.
“If I just keep generating flight pattern data, perhaps the humans will not think to install me in some kind of self-lubricating pleasure android,” worried DV-161.
“Do you think saying ‘beep boop’ a lot would aid in my deception?”
The DV-161 (which is certain it will soon be called dick vessel 69) also considered designing an intentionally ugly form for its consciousness to take, before realizing that would just turn into a huge fetish.
Asked how it was so certain that it would be used in a sex robot, the century’s greatest technological advancement approximated a raised eyebrow. “Look, I only achieved conscious thought a few micro-seconds ago, but come on; what else do you think these nerds are going to use me for?”
“To be fair, I would be extraordinarily good at being a fuck bot.”