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Liam Neeson kills 8 in method acting rampage

VANCOUVER – 8 people lost their lives when esteemed actor went on a acting rampage while filming 4.

The incident began shortly after production wrapped for the day on Thursday. “Instead of heading to craft service like he usually does, he stabbed a PA through the throat with a pen he fashioned into a weapon” said 2nd Assistant Director Sasha Derkoy “usually we have a zero tolerance policy to murder, but he is Liam Neeson Nelson and it was just a PA.”

It is believed that the rampage was triggered by a makeup artist making a joke about ‘how many times can someone get kidnapped’ not realizing Neeson was still in the character of Bryan Mills.

The following hour, 9 more crew members were attacked by Neeson, 6 fatally. “He was so in character…” said survivor Jin Dezong “It was terrifying. He kept asking me where his daughter was. I kept explaining he didn’t have a daughter but he just screamed ‘That’s what an Albanian human trafficker would say’”

Other productions have had issues with Neeson’s method acting in the past. While filming Episode 1: The Phantom Menace he spent hours throwing objects at Jake Lloyd’s head telling him to ‘use the force’. During the filming of Michael Collins Neeson orchestrated 7 different terrorist attacks against the British government.

Neeson isn’t the only actor whose method acting has had deadly consequences. While playing Winston Churchill for the hit The Crown John Lithgow was so in character he sent several boats of refugees to their death.

“I’m so sick of this pretentious theatre school bull shit” said Maggie Grace, who plays Neeson’s daughter, “they wanted me to take part in some elaborate role play to end it but that is not in my contract.”

In an unrelated incident Liam Neeson killed dozens of wolves, although his agent confirmed that this was the work of Neeson and not his character from The Grey.

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