STOUGHTON, SK – Nearly a quarter million liters of crude sunlight and wind have spilled from a renewable energy pipeline on indigenous land southeast of Regina.
“The pipeline was shut down as soon as the leak was detected,” said assistant deputy minister, Doug MacKnight. “So far as we’re aware, no water source has been contaminated, because obviously, this is sun and wind we’re talking about, and not some sort of toxic ground sludge.”
Indigenous leaders are thrilled about the spill, which has spread toasty rays and warm breezes throughout the reserve, instead of the usual reeking tide of poisonous bitumen, which leads to skin lesions and a long-term spike in cancer rates, not to mention further contamination of already unsafe drinking water.
“We rushed to the scene to try and clean stuff up as much as possible before people noticed,” said a spokesperson for Tundra Energy Marketing. “But when we got there, instead of choking waterfowl and cankered wetlands, we just saw a bunch of moose and squirrels with wicked tans and tousled, windswept hairdos.”
This is the worst energy spill to hit Saskatchewan since this summer, when Husky contaminated the North Saskatchewan River with hundreds of thousands of liters of hydro.