OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President-elect Donald Trump have announced an ambitious new plan that will see Canada grant citizenship to the hundreds of celebrities who tweeted that they would move here if Trump was elected, while the U.S. will take in the tens of thousands of actors and musicians who are unable to earn a living in Canadian entertainment.
“I would like to thank Mr. Trump for working so hard to come to this arrangement before he even takes office,” said Trudeau. “Today we welcome the likes of Lena Dunham and Bryan Cranston to our country, and say goodbye to the entire audition waiting room for every Tim Horton’s ad.”
“We also bid a fond farewell to our nation’s singer-songwriters and playwrights, as well as every stand-up comic not named Ron James or Brent Butt.”
Numerous American celebrities publicly pledged to immediately move to Canada should Trump win the election. Most have not followed up on the issue since November 8th, likely because they are so busy planning their relocations. It is possible that some have been scared off by finding out that the only available acting and singing work available in the Canadian entertainment industry are in Anne of Green Gables themed projects.
Despite the uncertain political climate they were in for, the Canadian artists who will be moving to New York or Los Angeles were happy to hear the news.
“Sure, Donald Trump is a fascist with a barely disguised personality disorder, but I just couldn’t put on another Fringe show,” said Vancouver resident Cho Kim.
The Trump team’s acceptance of thousands of Canadian economic refugees caught some observers by surprise. However it quickly became clear that they will be expected to serve as Trump’s in house artists, responsible for creating films and songs that celebrate the Great Leader and his magnificent accomplishments.
The ones that refuse will be used as replacements for all the manual labourers and housekeepers Trump plans to deport to Mexico.
