OTTAWA – Representatives from the Royal Canadian Legion have confirmed that their 2019 poppies were designed for optimal pointiness, size, and “gouge-ability”, to help Canadians better remember their soldiers’ sacrifices.
The newly redesigned poppy, nicknamed “The Pokey”, was developed by engineers in the Legion’s Department of Applied Remembrance Science. By incorporating cutting edge cutting edge technology, Legion technicians were able to develop a pin so exposed and unsafe that Canadians would have no choice but to remember the nation’s fallen heroes.
“Lest we forget the brave Canadians who fought at Vimy Ridge, Dieppe, or recently in Afghanistan,” affirmed retired army colonel Jean-Marc Sampson, as a pool of blood seeped out from under his poppy pin. “Also, do you have any kleenex? I think I hit an artery.”
All across the country, ordinary Canadians have expressed approval for the new super-sharp poppies. Martin Banks, of Halifax, explained, “These extra-stabby pins are really (ouch!) helping me to imagine the pain and (OW!) bravery of our (Son of a…) Canadian (DAMMIT!) servicemen (YEOWCH!) and (OW!) women (RRRrrr…)”
Banks then excused himself to find the nearest first aid station.
As Canadians prepare to honour their fallen heroes on Remembrance Day, Canada Health Services reminds attendees not to wear more than one redesigned poppy at a time, and to keep them out of the reach of children and pets.
The Legion has also announced plans in 2020 to share their poppy technology with Canadian Blood Services.