VANCOUVER – This week Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said China will need to improve its record on human rights before Canada will sign a Free Trade Agreement with them, before emphasizing that he was “totally down” for selling them military grade vehicles, “no questions asked.”
“Increased trade with China will require a lot of work from them on human rights and governance issues,” explained Trudeau, cheerfully taking reporters’ questions at a press event. “That said, I cannot emphasize enough that we would gladly sell them as many light armoured vehicles as they want, pretty much at the drop of a hat.”
“If they buy 10 or more and promise not to kill too many dissidents with them, I can probably offer free shipping,” Trudeau added.
Speaking to reporters, Chinese Foreign Affairs Minister Wang Yi seemed open to the purchase. “At first I thought these trade talks were going to be a total bust, but with the combo option of tanks and continuous oppression of minority rights what can I say? I am a sucker for a great bargain.”
Sources report that Chinese Military leaders were further swayed by positive comments left on Canada’s “Yelp” page by Saudi Arabia, following previous military vehicle sales.
“Friendly, great prices, plus we get to use the tanks on our own citizens with impunity – 10/10 would buy arms again!” read the comment from Yelp user “tooSaudi4U”.
Sources at the Ministry of Defence assured reporters that Trudeau obtained promises from the Chinese before making the offer, including to take off the Canadian flag sticker before running over any Tibetan monks.
At press time, Trudeau indicated that he would have to check with his manager, but he would be willing to throw in some anti-personnel weapons, “as a personal favour”, to close the deal.
