OTTAWA – With just over 25,000 Syrian refugees having been allowed into the country, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has enacted an even more generous policy by offering each and every one of them a free topless photograph of himself.
“44 years old?” said refugee Bassel Algafari, assessing Trudeau’s figure with the one eye that hadn’t been burned out of his head by flaming rubble. “Not bad, my man. Not bad at all.”
While the Prime Minister says he normally sells the photographs for 8 dollars or a song sung by a pretty young lady, he also maintains it’s important that newly arrived refugees have something to hang on their bedroom walls, or ceiling.
“Welcome to Canada,” said Trudeau to refugees at the airport, allowing each one to rest their war-weary heads on his abdominal muscles for a brief, comforting moment. “You’re home safe.”
The photographs, all of which are signed by Trudeau, feature Trudeau standing topless on either the majestic Rocky Mountains, the golden rolling prairies, the stony lakeshores of central Canada, or reclining against a fire truck.
In every photograph, Trudeau is seen carrying a long-stemmed stargazer lily, his favourite flower.
“Prime Minister Trudeau is a very generous man,” said refugee Amira Assad. “He has a very tight, defined body also.”
“My son is dead.”
This is the greatest gesture made to refugees by a sitting Prime Minister since Stephen Harper personally spit in the mouth of every Tamil refugee to arrive in the country in 2010.