Dropped out GOP candidates get together for last big fearmonger party - The Beaverton

Dropped out GOP candidates get together for last big fearmonger party

Washington D.C. – Before they went their separate ways the recently resigned Republican Presidential candidates all met up for a final chance to stoke the fires of irrational fear and hate.

“I’m really going to miss you all!” said a tearful as the group sat on the hoods of their cars, staring up at the stars above. “The last year hanging out with you has really taught me how the United States is this close to adopting Sharia Law.”

“Promise me we’ll all keep in touch!”

Sources say the night was spent reminiscing about times the gang had convinced Americans wanted to kill their grandparents, playing pranks on a nearby Mexican family, and teasing for his inability to tell a brazen political lie without his jowls shaking.

The former would be commanders in chief also shared ideas for what they would have done if they had stayed in the race.

“With a little luck, I think I really could have made Americans believe that Planned Parenthood had forced all their teenage daughters to have premarital sex and then get abortions,” said .

“Well I know I could have convinced them that was part of a satanic cult!” added .

However as the night wound down and dawn approached, the party goers left one by one, often with tears in their eyes as they gazed out at an uncertain future. By the end, the only people left were Jeb Bush and .

“Jeb,” Rick said as the first beams of sunlight streamed across the horizon like sprinters racing to a finish line. “You have to ask yourself: can we really put the future of our country in the hands of an admitted socialist-nazi-communist-jew like ?”

That night Jeb Bush and Rick Santorum made love for the first time, although it was certainly not the last.