OTTAWA — While Pope Francis set off on his American tour in Washington, DC, this week, Canadians quietly welcomed a papal tour of their own from the Holy Father’s understudy, Underpope Steve II.
The pope’s alternate arrived in Ottawa to a mostly empty Macdonald-Cartier International Airport in the early hours of Thursday morning. Walking alongside the Vatican’s ambassador to Canada, Underpope Steve II greeted a handful of reporters who were obliged to get a quote from the world’s second-most-holy man.
“It’s so great to be here.” said Underpope Steve II looking around the empty airport. “Damn.”
It is not widely-known that the pope has a backup. The position dates back to 1625 when then pope, Pope Urban VIII got his head stuck in the pope hat. Since then the Vatican has employed an understudy whose job it is to play pope should the real Holy Father be injured or fall ill. Most recently, the Vatican has begun sending Underpope Steve II to lesser events to maximize exposure for the papacy.
After waving to a woman who had been waving at an acquaintance behind him, Underpope Steve II headed to baggage to collect his suitcases. Unfortunately his bags had been lost in transit. Underpope Steve II tried to maintain good humour throughout the incident, but mentioned that he didn’t think he would be able to get the deposit back for the vestements, which were rented from a costume shop in Denver.
Without his bags, Underpope Steve II was taken to the taxi pickup area. He lit a cigarette before hailing a cab to his first appearance at the Rideau Centre.
After Ottawa, Underpope Steve II’s next stop is in Etobicoke. He hopes to take advantage of Pope Francis’ distaste for the Pope-mobile and use the vehicle for his cross-country tour. Should this plan fall through, the pope’s alternate plan is to take a bus.
“Steve doesn’t mind taking a Greyhound.” explained Underpope Steve II.
“I’m a man of the people!” he added blowing cigarette smoke into the air.
