TORONTO – Lois deWitt, a Toronto-area English teacher, is in critical condition after she separated her infinitive this past week.
“To tear your infinitive, when not a trained professional, poet, or starship captain, is hardly a laughing matter,” said Dr. Richard Morovich, deWitt’s attending physician at East York General Hospital. “To unconsciously split a verb can shatter one’s parlance, leading to elision, occasional bouts of umlauts, or a malfunctioning colon.”
“This is why we warn kids not to attempt it,” Morovich added.
According to sources, deWitt is so distraught that she is being held in psychiatric care to make sure she is not found dangling from a participle.