TORONTO – Ontario premier Kathleen Wynne announced Thursday that the government would be moving immediately to raise the province’s minimum wage to $11.00 an hour, in an effort to properly adjust for inflation and keep the workforce almost exactly as poor as it was four years ago when the minimum wage was set at $10.25.
“Look, we want our minimum wage workers to be poor, just not Peruvian sneaker makers poor,” said the Premier.
“Our goal is to always keep about 10% of our population in that sweet spot where they have to share an apartment with three other people, but can still afford to pay their cell phone bill.”
The majority of minimum wage earners in the province are women, visible minorities and recent immigrants, a fact that was not lost on the government.
“By providing these individuals with a just barely livable wage, we are able to keep clinging to that idea that Ontario is a land of opportunity for people other than white males,” said minister of labour Yasir Naqvi.
In between shifts as a Starbucks barista and a Subway sandwich artist, full time student Tanya Wallins expressed delight at the announcement.
“I did the math and now after I pay for my rent, groceries, utilities and metropass, I will have enough left over to be only $500.00 extra in debt each month.”
“And that is after tax!” she added.
