THORNHILL – When Samuel Rosen’s mother guilt-tripped him into attending the last night of Hanukkah, he reluctantly got into his Hummer and drove the 256 metres to her house.
Asked by his mildly environmentally aware sister why he had chosen to drive the gas-guzzler over such a short distance, the 32-year old doctor claimed that it was in the spirit of the holiday.
“Hanukkah is about how oil miraculously lasts longer than we think,” said Rosen, who was discussing his religion for the first time since his Bar Mitzvah, “and nothing tests the lasting capacity of oil quite like this two-ton behemoth.”
“The miraculous extension of our oil reserves happens all the time,” Rosen continued. “Just look at these latkes: they may have been fried for a couple minutes but the oil will live on in my arteries for decades to come!”
At press time, the argument was on hold as Rosen’s mother forced her children to eat all the food she had slaved over a hot stove to prepare because there are starving children in Africa who would kill for it and they’re just skin and bones and still growing up.
