Cornwall, ON – The burgeoning relationship between Monica Carlstrom and Brent Sherway has been progressing steadily until 8 pm last night when tragedy struck.
The couple was about to become intimate when Monica pulled out a copy of Horoscopes for Beginners and began explaining why she, a Capricorn and Brent, a Scorpio were a perfect match. Monica went on to explain that, based on their star signs, Brent’s desire for love and affection complements her predisposition towards intimacy and tenderness.
Brent claims that the introduction of this topic caused him to lose “a very promising erection.”
He has since ended the relationship, explaining: “She may have been carrying that book around the entire time we were dating. It’s a terrifying thought.”