CANADA – A brief look over your social media platforms has confirmed that everyone you find personally repellent is looking forward to the movie spinoff of the TV show Entourage.
“Bro, Siiiiick,” tweeted Football Dave, the guy you went to high school with who thought that it was funny to get drunk at parties and throw up in people’s freezers. “This show was so bomb.”
The movie, based on the famous TV show about hateful people living hateful lives in the world’s most despicable city, will feature a lacklustre plot designed to provide as much wish fulfillment as possible to its simply terrible fans.
“This movie is going to have everything,” said Jake Fitz, former treasurer for the Phi Omicron Gamma fraternity. “I bet Turtle gets a girl pregnant and then pushes her into a swimming pool. I bet Johnny Drama pees on some veterans, and I bet Jeremy Piven sells some bad cocaine to a group of 15-year olds. Classic.”
“I’m pretty much sure that there’s gonna be tits in this movie,” Fitz added.
Like the TV show, the movie will be loosely based on the life, friendships and exploits of producer Mark Wahlberg, who blinded a middle-aged vietnamese man for no reason at all in 1987.
“Mark Wahlberg is the coolest,” said investment banker Demetrios Lobatti, who somehow managed to beat charges for date rape back in 2011.
Entourage: The Movie is expected to face stiff competition on opening weekend, as it will air opposite Michael Bay’s upcoming film, Misogyny.
