FREDERICTON - Drawing her long sword into the air, newly appointed Celtic Affairs Minister has promised the Celtic people of her province protection from the Roman invasion, which threatens their way of life.
CALGARY - Rebel Media founder Ezra Levant is suing himself after the conservative commentator made besmirching comments about himself on TV, radio, newspapers, blogs, Twitter, Facebook and in person.
KINGSTON, ON - The Tragically Hip has announced that it will be cancelling its final national tour as the members of the band were unable to acquire tickets to any of the 15 events they were set to perform at.
OTTAWA - After recently ending their opposition to gay marriage, the Conservative Party of Canada is continuing to rebrand, this time by resolving to no longer burn human captives inside of giant wicker effigies.
BANCROFT, ON - Decked out in camouflage pants, wraparound sunglasses and a fresh bicep tattoo, local badass Dave Kringler is ready to rock and roll the exact moment ISIS gives him a reason to.
VANCOUVER - In a dramatic announcement, the Conservative Party of Canada announced it no longer opposes marriage between two chaps or a couple of dowagers.
WINNIPEG - The Liberal Party of Canada wrapped up their first Biennial Convention since their 2015 federal electoral victory and adopted many new important policies based on very uplifting and heartwarming statements made by fridge magnets.
DUBLIN - Canadian Ambassador to Ireland Kevin Vickers is once again being called a hero for tackling a man heavily armed with a loud voice before he could detonate his opinions at a ceremony yesterday commemorating the losses of British soldiers during the Easter Rising of 1916.
OTTAWA - Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced he was bowing out of politics today in a sincere, and vigorously redacted, speech to the House of Commons.
OTTAWA - During question period today, interim leader of the Conservative Party Rona Ambrose used her time to feed a live goat to several dozen ravenous Tory backbenchers.