CANADA - Reports are coming in from across the nation confirming that, despite taking more than enough time, Canada’s fathers have yet to exit the bathroom.
OWEN SOUND - Conservative MP Larry Miller has apologized for telling women wearing the niqab to “stay the hell where you came from”, a claim which he refuses to apologize for.
OTTAWA - Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that the United Nations has accepted his proposed extension to Canada’s arctic border after providing proof that he had urinated on the North Pole.
TORONTO - After announcing that hip hop artist Shad will be the new host for ‘Q’, the CBC has confirmed that his first interview will be every person with whom he has any sort of sexual history.
OTTAWA - Canada’s Prime Minister and staunch women’s rights ally Stephen Harper is defending women’s rights by dictating what the can and cannot wear during citizenship ceremonies.
OTTAWA – In a press conference on Tuesday, Public Safety Minister Steven Blaney claimed that “the Holocaust did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words,” in defense of Bill C-51, a document consisting of thousands and thousands of words.
OTTAWA - Conservative MP John Williamson has reassured the public that his comments regarding temporary foreign workers did not reflect his own personal views and was merely expressing racism at the institutional level.
OTTAWA - According to a recent internal review, the Canada Revenue Agency’s tax answers to customers have not been mathematically accurate “110% of the time.”
OTTAWA - Following the newly instated policy that requires veterans to verify lost limbs, Ottawa is now also requiring deceased veterans to prove their status every three years.
OTTAWA - After being hidden away for years in Parliament, a time capsule filled with aging artifacts has revealed that Ottawa was just dull and uninteresting as it is now.
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