MONTREAL - Canada’s first future Ebola patient has been aimlessly walking around in the arrivals section of Montreal’s airport for the past 15 minutes in a search for the exit.
VANCOUVER - Undercover RCMP officer, Michael Reynolds, has neglected to dismount prior to his infiltration of a dangerous drug ring in British Columbia.
OTTAWA - Conservative party insiders have reported the government will move forward with an addendum to Bill C-585, which will create a program to send Canadians to war torn countries around the globe in equal numbers to those seeking asylum here.
OTTAWA - In an effort to get Canadians accustomed to his name, the Official Opposition Leader who replaced the late Jack Layton will now be wearing a name tag during working hours.
WINNIPEG – Canada’s Human Rights Museum, with its seven floors of exhibits on the brutality endured by peoples the world over, is expected to be an economic boon to the city.
ST. JOHN’S – The winner of Saturday's Progressive Conservative Leadership race, Paul Davis, stands accused of being insufficiently unusual to lead Newfoundland and Labrador.
OTTAWA – Conservative Members of Parliament are proposing a new bill that the party hopes will make refugees feel more at home in Canada by ensuring their new lives remain as destitute and hopeless as the ones they were forced to flee.
TORONTO - Notorious drug user Rob Ford has stepped down from his mayoral candidacy and been replaced by his brother, notorious drug dealer Doug Ford.
OTTAWA - Bill C-36, the Conservative government's proposed prostitution bill, will seek to define sex as “gross,” “terrifying” and “something only mommies and daddies should do when absolutely necessary.”
OTTAWA – Royal Canadian Navy officials were overjoyed on Tuesday to learn that their most advanced ship, which was last seen in 1848, had finally been located near King William Island.
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