OTTAWA - Following widespread, international coverage of the murder of a war memorial guard by a radicalized man with terrorist sympathies and the subsequent shootout in Parliament, news media conglomerate CNN reported frustration with the calm reaction of Canadians.
KUWAIT CITY - After receiving parliamentary approval to conduct airstrikes in Iraq, Canada’s CF-18s will bombard ISIS targets in a friendly and polite manner.
CALGARY - An electrical fire in the power grid plunged dozens of blocks in the heart of Calgary into total darkness over the weekend, causing significant inconvenience and uncertainty for the nearly 70 people who live there.
OTTAWA - At a press conference today, the Prime Minister announced plans to begin fast-tracking refugee applications from any and all Syrian refugees who can prove they’ve never visited the Middle East.
OTTAWA - In response to increasing instability, Prime Minister Stephen Harper authorized the deployment of Canada’s fleet of CF-18s to the combat aggressive insurgent forces present in Question Period.
MONTREAL - Canada’s first future Ebola patient has been aimlessly walking around in the arrivals section of Montreal’s airport for the past 15 minutes in a search for the exit.
VANCOUVER - Undercover RCMP officer, Michael Reynolds, has neglected to dismount prior to his infiltration of a dangerous drug ring in British Columbia.
OTTAWA - Conservative party insiders have reported the government will move forward with an addendum to Bill C-585, which will create a program to send Canadians to war torn countries around the globe in equal numbers to those seeking asylum here.
OTTAWA - In an effort to get Canadians accustomed to his name, the Official Opposition Leader who replaced the late Jack Layton will now be wearing a name tag during working hours.
WINNIPEG – Canada’s Human Rights Museum, with its seven floors of exhibits on the brutality endured by peoples the world over, is expected to be an economic boon to the city.
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