EDMONTON - In the wake of the last week’s fire, Fort McMurray Emergency Measures Organization and the Red Cross are asking Canadians to refrain from donating Adam Sandler’s 2011 film “Jack and Jill”.
OTTAWA -- Avoiding the inevitable partisan conflicts on electoral reform, all parties have unanimously agreed to change the first-past-the-post voting system to random selection based on a giant spinning wheel.
OTTAWA - With just over 25,000 Syrian refugees having been allowed into the country, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has enacted an even more generous policy by offering each and every one of them a free topless photograph of himself.
TORONTO - Citing a pressing need to use resources and manpower on mishandling other sexual assault cases, the Crown has elected not to proceed with the second scheduled trial of former CBC broadcaster Jian Ghomeshi.
EDMONTON - After days of dodging important questions from Rebel Media and uncles’ facebook pages alike, Alberta premier Rachel Notley came clean today and admitted that she intentionally created the fire that has caused the evacuation of the entire city of Fort McMurray.
CALGARY – Right-wing pundit Ezra Levant says he has detailed evidence of a coordinated plot by Syrian refugees living across Canada. The RebelTV founder published dozens of tweets, written in Arabic, outlining a conspiracy by the newly resettled Muslims to unleash huge amounts food, shelter, and money out of their own pockets on unsuspecting families displaced by the fires in Fort McMurray.
OTTAWA – After popular demand from millennials who think the census just isn’t fun enough, the Canadian government has decided to conduct the 2021 census as a Buzzfeed quiz.
OTTAWA - The Conservative party came out against the mandatory census again this week, saying that it creates undue stress and is totally irrelevant to all of the several million people currently living in Canada.
OTTAWA -- In a secret location at Tunney’s Pasture in Ottawa, an elite team of statisticians are on high alert ready to be deployed anywhere in the country at a moment’s notice in the event that a household does not fill out their census. They call themselves the Joint Task Force Enumerators.
VANCOUVER – Days after a new report revealed that BC Liberals have been paying Christy Clark an additional $50,000 per year on top of her annual salary to headline fundraising events, the party’s leaders blamed the premier’s skyrocketing salary on foreign investment.
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