WATERTON, AB – Hours after trekking up popular hiking location “Bear’s Hump” to film an advertisement for the “Alberta is Calling” relocation campaign, 28-year-old former Ontario resident Natalie…
Tag: Toronto
Toronto homeowners outraged at $50 property tax increase encouraged to skip avocado toast, make coffee at home
TORONTO – Despite the initial rage thrown towards Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow’s new property tax hike that will see homeowners pay about an extra $50 per month for every million dollars…
The 9 people that own all of Toronto’s real estate extremely upset about property tax hike
TORONTO – Reacting to news of Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow’s plan to hike property taxes by more than 10%, the 9 or so people that collectively own all Toronto real estate expressed outrage, s…
Law and Order: Toronto to follow exciting story of police ignoring gay community about serial killer
Toronto, ON – Producers of the exciting Law and Order series centering around crimes related to Toronto finally revealed what crime the pilot episode will look at. “We’re very excited to ha…
Just to be cautious, Ontario announces Eglinton LRT will be open by the year 2236
TORONTO – In an effort to assuage concerns regarding the long overdue Eglinton Crosstown LRT, Premier Doug Ford has announced a cautiously optimistic opening date of 2236. “I’m very pleased to fi…
The Beaverton Guide to Toronto for Americans who swiped all the Taylor Swift tickets
Congrats American Swifties! You guys managed to buy a huge amount of the tickets for Taylor’s only appearance in the entire country of Canada! You could have got tickets to literally any of…
Taylor Swift confirms Toronto is Canada’s Only City
TORONTO – Yesterday Taylor Swift announced plans to bring her Eras Tour to Canada with a 6 night run in the country’s only city. “I’m so excited to bring my show to THE ci…
Toronto man who moved to Ottawa feeling right at home after seeing how shit their transit system is
OTTAWA – Born and raised Toronto man Kyle Chilton was nervous about moving to Ottawa when his job relocated, but says he is starting to feel at home after getting a good look at the broken …
Doug Ford clarifies Strong Mayors are the ones that can lift him
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has expanded on the “strong mayor” powers he gave certain municipalities earlier this year, stating they only apply to mayors who …
Man who hates Toronto worried Olivia Chow will ruin it
Oshawa, ON – Ever since Olivia Chow was sworn in as Toronto’s mayor local Durham resident and avowed Toronto hater Sean Buffett has repeatedly expressed his concerns that her leadersh…