EARTH – After spending 13 billions years drifting across interstellar space, a speck of stardust is pissed that it’s now you – a nobody in the overall grand scheme of the universe. Be…
Tag: space
RCMP wonders how evil they’ll be in another 150 years
OTTAWA – After celebrating their 150th anniversary, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have started to wonder what level of unspeakable villainy they will be able to achieve after reaching t…
First Canadian to orbit moon in attempt to find affordable housing
CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing. “Catherine and I have three kids, …
Study: Men who believe moon landing was faked less likely to believe orgasms can be faked
STANFORD, CA ― Belief in a massive, logistically impossible conspiracy theory wherein NASA has spent more time pretending they went to the moon than it took them to actually go there does not sug…
Elon Musk splits from Grimes, claims he “needs more Space”
AUSTIN, TX – Sources close to Elon Musk and Grimes have confirmed that the two are separating after Musk confessed that he “needs more time and space – specifically, outer space.” “I …
Space asks humanity to stop sending it trash
THE UNIVERSE – The unfathomable stellar expanse that comprises physical reality has politely asked the human race to cease and desist launching its trash off the planet. “It was bad enough …
Bezos, Musk, Branson announce plan to launch giant pile of money into space
SPACEPORT AMERICA — Billionaire entrepreneurs Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk have announced plans to pool their resources to launch a collective $100 billion dollars in unmarked…
