DEEP SPACE – Immediately regretting opening the strange message attached to an oblong metallic object marked “PIONEER” found floating in space, a distant alien civilization blocked all of h…
Tag: space
What the hell are YOU looking at?!
By Powehi, the Black Hole…
Starship from old ‘flying through space’ screensaver finally reaches destination
THE INTERNET – Fans of classic screensavers were privy to a very special sight today as the starship that has been live-streaming its journey in the form of the starfield/warp screensaver a…
Yoplait scientists discover liquid yogurt on Mars
GRANBY, QC — From the Carl C. Yoplait Centre for Excellence in Dairy Sciences, a team of Canada’s top dairy astronomists addressed members of the press, Friday, to announce their discovery …
Astronomers say moon will look ‘kinda fucked up’ tonight
OTTAWA—Professional and amateur astronomers will be watching the skies tonight, eager for a glimpse of a rare, sort of fucked up moon. “Tonight’s lunar event is caused by multiple converging fact…
Cassini spacecraft responds to self-destruct order with cryptic laugh
PASADENA – Experts at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory are stumped, and more than a little disturbed, by the cryptic laugh they received from the Cassini spacecraft in response to the sel…
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t…
5 Reasons Love Actually is a feminist masterpiece, as well as a Coded Map to Zorboth, the Intergalactic Shadow Realm
Christmastime is almost upon us, and if you’re like us, it’s time to get ready to re-watch Love Actually. The only downside of loving this British romantic comedy is how much flack it will get yo…
Earth starts new orbit around sun with clean slate, colossal hangover
A TINY SPECK IN THE MILKY WAY – Bouncing back from the previous night’s festivities, Planet Earth is excited to begin its new revolution just as soon as she recovers from a splitting headache. Th…
Chris Hadfield ejected from movie theatre for loudly heckling Gravity
WATERLOO, ON – Responding to numerous patron complaints, the staff of the Empire Theatres Waterloo reportedly removed famed Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield after he would not stop heckling a sc…