QUEBEC CITY – All circumcised men in positions of authority within the province of Quebec are now legally compelled to wear an artificial foreskin cover in the workplace. An overlooked regu…
Tag: Featured Post
Update: Fuck hockey
TORONTO – Earlier reports indicate that the nation has collectively said ‘fuck it’ to hockey since basketball is now the official sport of Canada. Despite hundreds of billions of hours the …
Local woman adds additional book on productivity to impressive collection of half-read books on productivity
TORONTO – After a shopping trip to the Eaton Centre earlier today, Michelle Johnson returned home with yet another book on productivity to add to her already vast collection of never finish…
Trump announces tariff on Canada’s three-pointers
OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fi…
Report: Laptop tired of staying up until 3am every night
TORONTO – According to reports, Stephanie McGrath’s laptop simply can’t keep up with her late nights, most often consisting of google searches such as “Tilda Swinton how old” and Buzzfeed q…
Man who waited in line for three days to get into Jurassic Park horrified to discover he can just watch game at home
TORONTO – Local man Jerome Dobbins, who has been waiting in line to get into Toronto’s famed Raptors viewing party square since Saturday at 9am, was shocked and quite frankly furious to dis…
Unimaginative Alice in Wonderland School play contains total lack of psychedelic drugs
Whitby, ON – A production of Alice in Wonderland staged at P.L. Thomas Elementary School has reportedly disappointed many audience members due to the directors and cast’s unfortunate failure to e…
Take it from me, an opinion columnist with no expertise, the MMIWG Commission’s use of the term genocide is wrong
By: Hubert Anderson I hate to be the one to say it, because I consider myself a long time supporter of indigenous Canadians. But in my opinion the claim in the MMIWG Final Report that the deaths …
Ottawa residents spontaneously construct trailer park after third tornado
OTTAWA – Locals from the Ottawa-Gatineau area have spontaneously constructed an extensive trailer park to fit its new role as Canada’s tornado alley. Over 200 mobile homes and trailers have…
Modern-day Nazi hunter thought job would be harder
VANCOUVER – Modern day Nazi hunter Jim Smith has confirmed to reporters that he honestly thought his job would take a lot more effort in 2019. Smith, who joins a long tradition of committed activ…
