Leaves changing, plummeting temps, and the scent of pumpkin spice filling the air; fall is just around the corner. But what will the change of the season mean for your beach bod? Follow these tip…
Tag: exercise
“Have you tried meditating?” says woman who just appeared out of nowhere
BANFF, AB — While attempting to enter her car after a particularly stressful day, bank teller Chelsea Ponte was cornered by a woman out of nowhere asking if she had considered meditating as…
Hottest New Year’s diet trend just looking in the mirror and saying ‘you’re a bad person and I don’t like you’
The New Year is upon us! While lots of us are sticking to our New Year’s resolutions to eat healthier, some of us are looking to start a diet that’s a little less demanding. But never fear! A who…
‘I’m training for a marathon’ says woman to anyone
Hamilton, ON – Local woman, Sarah Kinst, has decided to combat the winter blues by participating in the “Around The Bay” marathon and informing anyone within a three kilometer radius to her…
Men: Here are 5 ways to get your slim, ripped winter body into peak “Dad Bod” for summer
Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all do…
5 indoor exercises that aren’t masturbating
Winter is a tough time for everyone. Your bike is in storage, it’s too cold to go jogging, and you’re not burning enough calories, no matter how frequently you masturbate. If you’re getting bored…
Local man fails to lose weight despite thinking about working out for over a week
RED DEER – Roger Monroe has reported being frustrated by his failure to lose weight despite following a strict regimen of imagining what it would be like to go to the gym a lot for a full 1…
Local man postpones checkup with doctor to eat three-cheese panzerotti
HAMILTON, ON – After deliberating for several months on if he should schedule a much-needed physical, Jeff Turcott has decisively purchased a mouth-watering panzerotti instead. “I can make an app…
Local man who owns kettlebell somehow still completely out of shape
CALGARY – After possessing a twenty-five pound kettlebell for over three years, Patrick Donaldson continues to lack anything that one could describe as fitness. “I’m as shocked as you are”, said …
Man riding elliptical like it killed his family
SUDBURY, ON – Grunting audibly as the machine threatened to topple under his force, local man, Jeremy Gaston, 36, was seen riding an elliptical runner at a nearby gym this week in a way tha…