WELLAND – Canada’s most addictive street drug is increasing in price by ten cents worrying many public health experts and addicts. “I get a hit at least twice a day,” said Joe Kuharchuk, a …
Tag: drugs
Drug user replaced by drug dealer in Toronto mayoral race
TORONTO – Notorious drug user Rob Ford has stepped down from his mayoral candidacy and been replaced by his brother, notorious drug dealer Doug Ford. “Torontonians want someone discreet, wh…
Erection pills made from last rhino don’t even work
TANZANIA – After poaching, despoiling and making pills out of the last living Black Rhinoceros in existence, local banker Dave Shen remains unable to maintain an erection. “What a waste,” s…
I always use Pure Green Coffee Bean weight loss capsules™ to slim down for my high profile congressional hearings
BY: DR MEHMET OZ When I was asked to appear in front of a U.S. Senate panel for promoting potentially fraudulent weight loss pills on my show, my first thought was: I’ve got to drop 5 pounds, and…
BREAKING: The Beaverton has received a videotape of Rob Ford not smoking crack
TORONTO – In a shocking twist, The Beaverton has received an exclusive video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford not smoking crack cocaine, stumbling drunkenly, or shouting any ethnic slurs. In spite…
Writers of popular Rob Ford dramedy criticized for recurring crack cocaine plot device
TORONTO – Viewership for the once wildly popular primetime show Mayor Ford has been steadily declining after writers used crack cocaine to advance the plot for the second straight season. The awa…
Unbelievably cool 19-year-old names pet kitten Kerouac
TORONTO – Sources close to thoughtful, highly literate, yet whimsical 19-year-old Kyle Wendcott alerted press yesterday that in a characteristically tasteful move, he has named his new pet …
Pot-smoking Mountie can’t stop laughing at uniform
FREDERICTON – A Mountie who uses medicinal marijuana couldn’t stop giggling at his red serge when he returned it yesterday pending an unrelated assault trial. “Dude, this is just like……
Carleton University: University Reviews 2013
Name: Carleton University Nickname: Ol’ Cemented and Demented Motto: The “K” Stands for “Quality” History: Founded in 1942, it is said that Carleton was originally built to hide an enormous, sub…
Mayor Ford officially ruins sex
TORONTO – Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford ruined intercourse for thousands of Torontonians today when he implanted the image of him passionately engaging in cunnilingus in their minds fore…