LETHBRIDGE, AB – Friends and family of local woman Ayesha Perera have reported that they are concerned that her personality now consists entirely of speaking about her irritable bowel syndr…
Tag: Dairy
Scheer promises to add milk chugging challenge to Canadian food guide
OTTAWA – At a press conference held earlier today, Leader of the Conservative Party, Andrew Scheer, promoted the inclusion of consuming several litres of whole milk in less than an hour int…
Scientists confirm Kraft Dinner has never once successfully fed four people
TORONTO – In a startling revelation yesterday, a team of scientists at the University of Toronto released a report providing irrefutable evidence that a single box of Kraft Dinner, contrary to it…
7 minion memes that make surprisingly salient points about Canada’s dairy supply management system
Just when you couldn’t love those lovable scamps, the Minions, anymore they start dropping knowledge on the system of quotas, tariffs and price control that make up Canada’s Supply Management sys…
Local woman aroused by telling people she’s off dairy
MONTREAL – Local woman Sara Cloutier’s decision to spread the word about cutting dairy products from her diet produced an unexpected but pleasurable sensation in her body over the weekend. When r…
Canada holds nationwide beauty pageant to find most effective NAFTA negotiator
OTTAWA – In preparation for the upcoming round of NAFTA renegotiation talks, Canada is searching for the most effective possible negotiator through a nationwide beauty pageant. “We consider…
Canadian dairy lobbyists accidentally buy $200 million worth of influence in Department of Fisheries
OTTAWA – After several mishaps and one case of mistaken identity, the giant Dairy Farmers of Canada lobby group accidentally spent $200 million on favourable legislation and treatment in th…