SAN JUAN, PR – In the wake of Donald Trump unveiling plans to make Canada the 51st U.S. state, Puerto Ricans who have been trying to attain proper electoral representation expressed their frustra…
Tag: Canada
Experts warn Trump dangerously close to figuring out where Canada is
OTTAWA – As the re-election of Donald Trump sends shockwaves throughout geopolitics, experts within Ottawa’s Department of National Defence warn that the temperamental US president ma…
Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home
OTTAWA – With Americans voting today to determine the next President of the United States, every single Canadian has announced plans to keep their lights shut off in hopes that they will no…
Trudeau to retain party leadership until newer, worthier Trudeau steps forward
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he will step down from the Liberal Party leadership – as soon as a newer, worthier Trudeau comes forward to take his place. Trudeau, who has h…
Canadian takes full five seconds to translate “doughnut hole” to “Timbit”
ANN ARBOR, MI ― Kitchener native Tobias Sanders took a solid five seconds today to work out the meaning of his American friend Cory Easton’s invitation to “grab some doughnut holes” at a local sh…
Liberals change rules so more Canadians can buy the shittiest condos ever built
OTTAWA – The Trudeau Liberals have announced relaxing of several mortgage rules, all with the intent of allowing more Canadians to barely afford the crappiest, tiniest investment condos tha…
Entire North American GDP just 26,000 Slack messages in a trench coat
OTTAWA – It was with a mix of embarrassment and concern that economists announced yesterday that almost the entire North American GDP, long thought to be a mature economy, is actually just …
Canada Olympic soccer coaches win gold in “Illegal Drone Spying” event
PARIS – Following the decision by FIFA judges to punish the Canadian women’s soccer organization for illegally surveilling their opponents’ practice, the International Olympic C…
Cape Breton to create new, more annoying time zone between Atlantic and Newfoundland time
CAPE BRETON REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY – In a surprise move, the residents of Cape Breton island in Nova Scotia have announced that as early as next year, Cape Breton will have its own small and…
Aides explaining to confused Trudeau how unpopular leader dropped re-election bid
OTTAWA – Aides to Prime Minister Trudeau have reportedly spent several hours attempting to explain how Joe Biden, a similarly left-leaning incumbent with low polling numbers, actually willi…
