MONTREAL – As stranded passengers celebrated the news that a tentative deal had been reached by Air Canada and the union representing flight attendants, the mood was tempered by the realiza…
Tag: Air Canada
Air Canada consoles stranded passengers with pictures of their executive bonuses
OTTAWA – With thousands of passengers still facing travel delays as flight attendants strike for fair working conditions, Air Canada executives have decided to comfort customers by sending …
As strike looms, Air Canada thrilled to have new excuse to cancel flights
MONTREAL – Air Canada’s flight attendants have issued a strike notice, prompting the airline to swiftly embrace a new and exciting reason to cancel flights. “I’ve blamed flight cancellations on m…
WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
CALGARY – WestJet has finally embraced its reputation as one of Canada’s most reviled airlines with the debut of its new company slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.” The slogan was initially …
Air Canada pilots threaten to continue operating Air Canada flights until their demands are met
MONTREAL – In an effort to secure stronger wages, Air Canada pilots are vowing to make Canadians continue to fly Air Canada unless they are granted significant raises. “With no breakthroughs emer…
Carry-on luggage needs its own ticket says airlines
Pearson Airport, Toronto – In a recent announcement, the cash-strapped airline industry has announced that every bag will require its own ticket. Instead of overhead bins, retrofitted plane…
Checked luggage takes year off to travel
WARSAW, POLAND – A piece of checked luggage on a recent domestic Canadian flight has decided to take the year off to travel. “Ever since I came out of the closet last week, I’ve felt this urge to…
Suicide Bomber would rather live than fly Air Canada, again
WINNIPEG – Aspiring suicide bomber William Pettinger is expressing frustration at his inability to live out his dreams due to ongoing frustrations with Air Canada. “I would love nothing mor…
In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them
THE SKY – Air Canada has recently released an update to their on-board safety procedures where, in the event of a cabin pressure change, they’re now instructing passengers to 360 roundhouse…
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
MONTREAL – Air Canada has issued a statement on its latest scandal, calling the complainants “a bunch of pasty-faced fucks” who “couldn’t board a plane if it was parked up their own assholes” as …
