TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Paterson...
Best book local man has ever read is only book he’s read since high school
KAMLOOPS, B.C. – Calling it “incredible”, “well-paced”, and “totally unique”, local man Tim Murphy has named Kathryn Stockett’s The Help as the best book he’s ever read. “It’s amazing because it...
BUT THIS IS MY INDOOR VOICE
By: Hon. John Baird OVER MY POLITICAL CAREER THERE HAVE BEEN MANY ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE WHO HAVE THOUGHT MY PRESENCE IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS TO BE SOMEHOW BOTHERSOME. IT HAS BEEN SOMEWHAT OF AN O...
Harper awards self Victoria Cross for gallant performance at WWI commemoration
OTTAWA – In recognition of his stalwart performance and commitment to national pride at today’s commemoration of the beginning of the First World War, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has recommend...
Homeopaths without Borders discover 87 cures for Ebola virus
ATLANTA – The international homeopathy organization, Homeopaths without Borders, has discovered nearly 100 different cures for the Ebola Virus and will promptly use these remedies to fight the o...
World commemorates anniversary of war that ended, then caused, all wars
LONDON – To honour its centennial year, countries across the world commemorated the war that ended, then caused, all wars. Tributes were made to the fallen at World War I memorials, which was th...
Habs fans get 8 more years to scapegoat P.K. Subban
MONTREAL — Habs fans across social media erupted into cheers after the Montreal Canadiens signed a 8 year, $72 million deal with their favorite scapegoat, P.K. Subban. “Bergevin could not do it ...
MacKay skips Canadian BAR conference to study for his LSAT
OTTAWA – Peter MacKay will miss the annual Canadian Bar Association conference after insisting that he really needs to study for his upcoming LSAT examination. “I had barely enough time to study...
Wal-Mart advertises new price, worker benefit rollbacks
BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS – In an effort to engage consumers, Wal-Mart has begun advertising rollbacks in employee health benefits and wages in their weekly flyers. “At Walmart, our associates pride thems...
August is Cause-Related Marketing Awareness Month
TORONTO – Corporations everywhere are reminding Canadians that they should be aware of all of the good cause-related marketing they have been doing lately. “We think it’s very important that Can...
