THE HEAVENS – The world’s major religious deities have mutually agreed to give up on human beings and start fresh with a new species. Citing current international atrocities and a long history o...
Montreal Canadiens: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Montreal Canadiens Mascot: Two. First, Youppi the former Expo mascot, purchased back from the new american owners of the MLB team, that allows fans to recall the glory days when the city was int...
Calgary Flames: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Calgary Flames Mascot: That kid from the Scotiabank commercial with Jarome Iginla 2013-14 Season: Fans rejoiced as the team that was supposed to be the worst in the NHL finished a respectable fo...
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” s...
Boring Canada still has no Ebola: report
OTTAWA – Citizens are expressing boredom with the fact that Canada still has no cases of Ebola, a new report finds. “It’s good that we’re safe but Canada news is so boring. Just like...
Ottawa Senators: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Ottawa Senators Mascot: A Carleton University student wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hoodie 2013-2014 season: The Senators’ elimination from playoff contention in the final week of the reg...
Harper authorizes use of CF-18s for Question Period
OTTAWA – In response to increasing instability, Prime Minister Stephen Harper authorized the deployment of Canada’s fleet of CF-18s to the combat aggressive insurgent forces present in Question ...
Vancouver Canucks: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Vancouver Canucks Mascot: The green men’s bulge 2013-14 Season: Tired of boring things like scoring goals and having a good powerplay, the 2013-14 Canucks’ primary focus was on losing games, get...
Edmonton Oilers: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Edmonton Oilers Mascot: A middle aged man who won’t stop talking about the 1980s. 2013-14 Season: The Oilers entered the season with a lot of young, unproven talent who then proved themselves n...
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Dalhousie Nickname: Smug and moist Motto: “Where Ontario comes to party” History: Founded in 1818, by George Ramsay, 9th Earl of Dalhousie, Dalhousie University didn’t hold its first course unt...
