OTTAWA – In one of the most glamorous events of Ottawa’s annual social calendar, Immigration minister Chris Alexander has chosen by lottery which ethnic group will no longer be welcome in Canada...
Toronto alleviates traffic issues with controlled cull of drivers
TORONTO – After years of downtown gridlock and extremely slow rush hour traffic, the Toronto city council has approved a controlled cull of drivers to help reduce their population numbers. “Toro...
ISIS latest group to denounce “The Fat Jew”
RAQQA, SYRIA – Citing the overwhelming backlash surrounding Instagram star Josh Ostrovsky, better known as The Fat Jew, signing with CAA, the Islamic State announced Monday that it has removed the not...
Toronto man devastated upon realizing he threw away old Blue Jays jersey
TORONTO — Looking to show support for his home team following their recent string of successes, David Reynolds was grief stricken with the realization that he had discarded his old Blue Jays jer...
Whitehorse announces 2024 Olympic bid
WHITEHORSE — While Toronto agonizes over the decision on hosting the world’s leading international sporting event, the northern city of Whitehorse has made its official bid for the 2024 Summer O...
Liberal Party offers all platinum donors ‘night of passion’ with Justin Trudeau
Ottawa – In a fundraising email sent over the weekend, Liberal Party revenue officer Stephen Bronfman promised every donor who contributed over $1000.00 a lengthy and sensual one on one meeting ...
Denis Coderre promises to “jackhammer” all of Montreal’s problems
MONTREAL — After taking a jackhammer to a community mailbox structure in protest of Canada Post’s lack of consultation with the city, Montreal mayor Denis Coderre is launching a new campai...
Inmate Del Mastro caught trading cigarettes for votes
BATH, ON – Corrections officials say former Conservative MP and ethics spokesperson Dean Del Mastro has spent his current prison sentence bribing prisoners to vote Conservative with cigarettes. ...
Nick Kyrgios fined at Rogers Cup for not using tennis-related euphemism in insult
TORONTO — Professional tennis star Nick Kyrgios was fined $10,000 after a match at the Rogers Cup, Wednesday, for insulting his opponent without using a tennis pun as required by ATP guidelines....
Eighteen-year-old finally mature enough to vote against self-interest
KINGSTON — Having reached the age of eighteen, local man Blake Thompson is reportedly thrilled to at last be old enough to vote in a way that will decrease opportunities and benefits for him now and i...
