TORONTO – Canadian hockey icon Wayne Gretzky endorsed Prime Minister Stephen Harper for re-election at a Conservative Party rally this week, making the Tory leader the latest in a long line of mediocr...
Memorial University recognizes prof’s religious right to be a dick to students with disabilities
ST. JOHN’S — Memorial University has announced that it will accommodate any professor’s religious right to be a complete ass towards students with any type of disability. “Our university has bee...
High levels of childhood obesity in Canada ‘great for business’ says high school bully
PETERBOROUGH — Teenage tyrants across the country raised their victim’s underpants in jubilation today after learning that childhood obesity rates in Canada continue to rise “faster than y...
McGill ranked top Canadian university according to list released by McGill
MONTREAL — McGill University rose to the number 1 spot this year among Canadian universities in an annual ranking compiled by researchers from McGill University. The order of the list was calcul...
Election Profile: Green Party Platform
While it might be more than a long shot at winning, the Green Party is running a full slate of candidates. Here’s what a Green Party would do as your government: Key Beliefs Not a one issue part...
The Globe and Mail showcases diversity with five white male columnists who have different opinions
TORONTO — Demonstrating the publication’s commitment to diversity, five of the Globe and Mail’s white, middle-aged, male columnists have taken different stances on who won the debate among three...
Trump announces running mate will be solid gold statue of Donald Trump
NEW YORK – Following the GOP debate this week, Donald Trump has announced that, if he is selected as the Republican candidate for President, his running mate will be a solid gold statue of famed...
Newspapers refuse to publish unrealistic personal ads
WHITEHORSE — The Yukon News and Whitehorse Star both announced today that they will no longer be publishing unrealistic personal ads. “As the winter season nears and the personal ads grow,...
Election Profile: Liberal Platform
Can the Liberal Party under Justin Trudeau return to power? Here’s how they intend on pulling it off: Key Beliefs What do you guys believe in again? Oh cool, us too! Yup, we’ve been fighting for...
Mountain Dew to ‘Kickstart’ the home births of 17 lucky winners
TORONTO – In celebration of the launch of the new ‘Baby Pink Anarchy’ flavoured Mountain Dew Kickstart, 17 lucky winners are having their home births sponsored by Mountain Dew. “Our brand is all...
