SILICON VALLEY – In what has been hailed as a major breakthrough in the hyper-competitive world of nanotechnology, tech giant PikoTekk Industries has unveiled the world’s smallest ever severance packa...
Aunt Linda still standing with eyes closed at Michael Bublé’s walk-of-fame star
TORONTO – Twenty minutes after stumbling across Michael Bublé’s new Canadian walk of fame star, Aunt Linda is still standing motionless in front of it, with her eyes closed and her hands c...
Oil pipelines need stronger oversight, says watchdog someone forgot to pay off
OTTAWA – The National Energy Board is not doing enough to make sure pipeline companies are complying with regulations, says a new report by the federal commissioner of the environment and sustai...
Forensic paleontologist solves prehistoric cold case
DRUMHELLER, AB – Some one hundred and forty five million years after the case was abandoned by authorities, maverick paleontologist Dr. Matthew Parch has found new fossil evidence in a Jurassic ...
Budget lowers millennial retirement age to 135 years
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that the retirement age for young people born less than 30 years ago would be brought back down to 135, reversing the Conservatives’ in...
London, Ontario named 2nd best London for 161st straight year
LONDON – London, Ontario Mayor Matt Brown shuffled hesitantly to a podium this Wednesday to announce that his city once again failed to capture the title of best London on Earth. This is the 161st yea...
St. Patrickk’s Dayysydy iS toFdAYyyyy!
TORORNNTO? – Hey! Hey everybody! Local reportings told me today that today is St. Patrick’ss dayys! Yeah! HELL YEAH! According to this guy encountered at this bar that serves really, really great wing...
Citing missed deadlines and delays, ISIS cancels Bombardier order
MOSUL, IRAQ – ISIS has announced plans to cancel its order of 20 Bombardier Innovia APM Light Rail cars amid repeated setbacks and disappointments. “To be quite honest, we are very upset” said Mohamed...
Local man proud of Canadian-made ketchup from tomatoes picked by temporary foreign worker
LEAMINGTON, ON — Local man Kyle Matheson is proud to purchase and use French’s Ketchup knowing that the tomatoes were grown and harvested in Canada by a temporary foreign worker from Jamaica, th...
Vancouver luxury condo revealed to be cluster of oil soaked rags
VANCOUVER – Purchasers of units within Vancouver’s luxury condo, “The Pacific”, were dismayed to find that the building they were preparing to move into was in fact just a large cluster of oil soaked ...
