Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work

OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime M…

Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan

Hold onto your podcasting mic! During the 2024 US Presidential election, “bro podcast” hosts like Theo Von, Andrew Schulz, and of course Joe Rogan offered fawning softball interviews …

A&W’s new Complicated Family Menu features Step-Mom Burger, Secret Cousin Burger

NORTH VANCOUVER — A&W Canada announced their new Complicated Family Menu today, featuring old favourites like the Mama Burger and Papa Burger, plus an assortment of more modern offerings, in…

Lesbian who doesn’t like sports may as well just die

TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…

“They didn’t have autism in my day,” claims man with thorough knowledge of the history of the Caledonian Railway

Fredericton, New Brunswick – Despite decades of research, a Fredericton man says that autism didn’t exist in his day and that he would like to show us a replica map he created of the 1920 C…

“AI is just a tool” says tech mogul who is just a tool

PALO ALTO, CA – Tech industry billionaire Jared Banks recently dismissed fears over artificial intelligence disrupting the labor market by insisting that AI is “just a tool”, wh…

Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird

LAKE LOUISE – According to local sources, young campers are getting some seriously bad vibes from fellow camper Lucas Cohen thanks to his mollycoddling mom insisting that he stay safe. “Lucas’s m…

Danielle Smith says Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks to her hard work

Calgary, Alberta – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has made headlines after stating that Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks mostly to her time in office. “I e…

Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously

Waterloo, ON – The Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics put out a statement saying that after months of careful study, they can now claim that Prime Minister Mark Carney’s elbows are…

Patriotic Canadians resigned to consuming Pizza Pizza

BARRIE – In the face of the Trump administration’s trade war, everyday Canadians have been taking drastic measures to support the Canadian economy – such as purchasing and pretending to genuinely…