Ontario Government claims true meaning of “essential” will only reveal itself to those who believe
QUEEN’S PARK – Asked by journalists what Ontario’s new stay-at-home order categorizes as an essential trip Premier Ford answered, with a twinkle in his eye, “If you’re fair of heart and tru…
Experts baffled after so many lives enriched by Reddit
NATIONWIDE – Following the success of the Gamestop short-squeeze largely instigated by the r/wallstreetbets subreddit, many experts are amazed to witness the website acting as a positive fo…
Local libertarian unsure of what this has to do with the age of consent
HAMILTON, ONTARIO – Local libertarian Charles Whorley reportedly interjected into a public conversation about vegetables and produce today, confused as to what the subject matter had to do …
Trump says impeachment lawyers quit because winning will be too easy and thus unsatisfying
WASHINGTON D.C. – Former US President Donald Trump has issued a statement regarding the departure of his lead impeachment lawyers, clarifying they only quit because winning his impeachment …
Nation shocked after Biden able to undo all four hours of work Trump did as President
Washington, D.C. – Americans are flabbergasted after President Biden within only two weeks was able to undo all four hours of work Trump completed while in office. “I thought it would take …
Jonathan Kay pretty sure cancel culture to blame for him using dog shampoo
TORONTO – After his tweet about mistakenly using dog shampoo for several months went viral, Canadian journalist Jonathan Kay has been hard at work explaining how exactly “the cancel culture…
Snowbirds outraged they were only given one year notice on non-essential travel
PALM BEACH, FL – Dozens of Canadian snowbirds are outraged that the federal government only gave them a year to change their annual migratory plans due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. Many…
Rescue dog unable to save failing relationship
Hamilton, ON – Jane Rogers and Eric Salts recently discovered that adopting a six-year-old rescue dog was not enough to put off the ending of their four-year relationship. The couple, who a…
Canada Post-Punk claims mail’s not dead
REGINA – Despite claims that physical mail has been declining and gone to the wayside the past two decades, a local Canada Post-Punk rebukes the notion, and states that mail’s not dead. “Li…
