Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget
OTTAWA – Dads nationwide have been checking in throughout the day with a reminder that your mom’s birthday is next week and you should definitely give her a call, but of course you kn…
Scientists announce breakthrough in lab-grown beefcakes
News in Photos.…
Prince Philip named Sexiest Man Kinda Alive
LONDON- Hot on the heels of Prince William’s recognition as the World’s Sexiest Bald Man, The Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip was recently named the Sexiest Man Kinda Alive. In the poll conducted…
Blue Jays use money saved by removing radio broadcast to do nothing
TORONTO – As Opening Day approaches, Toronto Blue Jays fans are outraged that Rogers will no longer be offering a distinct Blue Jays radio broadcast and will instead be replacing it with a …
Drug dealer shockingly bad at getting people drugs
TORONTO – With Ontario in the midst of a third wave of the COVID Pandemic, Ontario Premier and former hash dealer Doug Ford has proven to be absolutely terrible at getting residents the pha…
REPORT: Bed is now office
VANCOUVER – After working from home for the past year, local research assistant Sara Burton announced the results of her independent study confirming once and for all that bed is now office…
“See, we do let gay men donate blood,” says Canadian Blood Services after quarantine forces thousands to be celibate for a year
OTTAWA – Health Canada and Canadian Blood Services bragged this morning that their controversial ban on accepting blood donations from men who have sex with men (MSM) “is basically no…
Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines!
Hey there! Beaverton intern Alex Barnes here! Thanks to the Beaverton, I recently got the chance to try ALL the hot new COVID-19 vaccines in one WILD afternoon (don’t try this at home, y’al…
Prince William named world’s sexiest bald man as if Mr. Clean isn’t literally right there
LONDON – According to a new study by Google, Prince William has finally been crowned king… as sexiest bald man. As if Mr. Clean wasn’t literally right there the entire fucking time. Eileen …
Ford applauds efficiency of press secretary/Sun columnist relationship
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the revelation of an undisclosed romantic relationship between OPC Director of Media Relations Ivana Yelich and Toronto Sun political columnist Brian Lilley, Premie…
