After years of persistent protests, boycotts, and social media campaigns dedicated to protecting third world countries from dangerous conditions in its factories, multinational corporation Simple Life...
Political science major knows he could have handled Kenyan hostage crisis better
VANCOUVER – A third year political science student at the University of British Columbia is certain that the recent terrorist attack at a mall in Nairobi would have been resolved faster and resu...
Undergrad spends $3000 on booze to celebrate arrival of OSAP loan
PETERBOROUGH – Upon being offered a loan for his tuition fee with government aid, a third year undergraduate student celebrated with a $3,000 alcohol-fueled party. 21 year-old Owen Blais, a geog...
Report: Canadian job growth slow due to HR
OTTAWA – A report by Statistics Canada has revealed that Canadian job growth has stalled because Human Resource departments don’t have the time to deal with backlog. “There is no lack of work ou...
Woman befriends other woman over mutual hatred of third woman
CALGARY – Margaret Walsh, a secretary at an HR firm solidified her friendship with co-worker, Linda Desroches, last Friday through their mutual contempt for another colleague. “I always liked Linda, ...
Andrei Markov excited to miss most of Canadiens’ season with this year’s injury
BROSSARD, QC – With preseason hockey in full swing Montreal Canadiens defenseman Andrei Markov is excited to find out what injury will sideline him for the majority of the season this year. “I ...
Blackberry makes first sale in six months
WATERLOO, ON – After a six month “dry spell” Blackberry president Thorstein Heins announced today that the company had finally closed a sale. “It was looking pretty grim there for awhile. Nobody...
NDP attack ad on Trudeau: He acts like he’s all hot but he’s not even that hot
Earlier this week, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair confirmed that his party would run negative campaign ads against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, targeting him for his track record of “not being that hot b...
Nintendo president runs out of lives but sets new high score
KYOTO – After a thrilling eighty five levels that saw him collect 2.1 billion gold coins, former Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi has run out of lives and been sent back to the main menu. Gam...
Most popular thing currently streaming on Canadian Netflix is disappointment
OTTAWA – A new CRTC research poll confirmed today that, for the 15th straight month, the pure feeling of disappointment was the most popular item streamed by Canadian Netflix users. “According to our ...
