TORONTO – Ontario’s Progressive Conservative Party officials announced today that they are optimistic they can torpedo any chance of gaining popularity among Ontarians despite bribery charg…
Toronto
TTC assures riders that heating on subway cars will be broken just in time for winter
TORONTO – In a public announcement today, TTC CEO Andy Byford has reassured a worried public that the heating system on its subway will cease to be operational by December, precisely as scheduled…
Computer illiterate Ontario government asks grade ten students to fix online literacy test
TORONTO – Ontario government officials are appealing to grade 10 students to help them fix the problems with online Ontario Secondary School Literacy Test since it crashed earlier today. Pa…
Roman philosopher Seneca disappointed in college named after him
TORONTO – Seneca, the roman stoic philosopher and advisor to Roman Emperor Nero, has voiced his displeasure at the college that carries his name. “I know I teach that we should all strive t…
TTC concerned as signal system begins upgrading itself
TORONTO – After a recent series of service delays, workers at the Toronto Transit Commission have reported that trackside signalling equipment has become self-aware and is now improving itself au…
Blue Jays conspiracy theorists cling to “second thrower” theory
TORONTO – With police claiming to have identified the man who threw a beer can onto the field during Tuesday’s wild-card game, a vocal subset of fans insist there was an unidentified “secon…
BREAKING: Audience members sought for live taping of The Beaverton TV show
TORONTO – Coming this Fall to TVs and TV-like devices is The Beaverton… BUT you can get a sneak preview now by attending a FREE TAPING and being part of our live studio audience! Not …
Toronto voted best city in the world by people who’ve never been anywhere else
TORONTO – Ontario’s capital has yet again been voted the greatest city in the world by those who’ve never stepped foot outside its borders. “It’s not only the fashion capital of the world, it’s a…
Bombardier completes first delivery of horse-drawn omnibuses to TTC
TORONTO – After more than a century of delays, the TTC has received the new omnibuses it ordered to replace the aging wagons used on the Cabbagetown – St. Lawrence line. “These new om…
Local imam pretty sure entire congregation CSIS agents
TORONTO – After noticing a spike in attendance, local imam Karim Al-Tamimi believes that almost all of the people who regularly attend his masjid are agents of the Canadian Security Intelli…
