TORONTO – The Blue Jays’ playoff push may have ended 160 games ago but on the baseball season’s final day, there is still hope that they can finish ahead of the Montreal Expos. “It’s been a…
Sports
Andrei Markov excited to miss most of Canadiens’ season with this year’s injury
BROSSARD, QC – With preseason hockey in full swing Montreal Canadiens defenseman Andrei Markov is excited to find out what injury will sideline him for the majority of the season this year…
NHL14 video game has Toronto Maple Leaf ‘collapse’ cheat code
TORONTO – The famous Toronto Maple Leaf collapse during last year’s playoffs has now been immortalized with a cheat code in EA Sport’s NHL 14. “I was frustrated,” said Frank Gannon, 3…
Summer team building exercise ruined after Habs team too short for roller coasters
MONTREAL – A morale-building exercise for the Montreal Canadiens ended before it started when players were not permitted on most of the rides at a Montreal amusement p Michel Therrien, the …
Putin petitions IOC to have rainbow colours removed from Olympic symbol
MOSCOW – Following the passage of a controversial anti-gay bill in Russia, President Vladimir Putin is now attempting to remove all rainbow colours from the Olympic symbol in preparation fo…
Phaneuf advances to next round of relationship despite poor last-minute play
SUMMERFIELD, PE – With his wedding to actress Elisha Cuthbert, Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf has officially advanced to the next round of his relationship despite a poor last-minute performanc…
England celebrates Murray victory by pretending he isn’t Scottish
ENGLAND – After almost eighty years without a victory at Wimbledon, England has spent the last two days celebrating Andy Murray’s win by refusing to refer to him as anything other than “Bri…
Chicago Blackhawks dedicate Stanley Cup win to the spirits of their Native American ancestors
CHICAGO – Returning home for a Stanley Cup parade after a shocking Game 6 victory over the Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks players were quick to credit the warrior spirit and enduring tra…
New Raptors GM pledges to restore team to its former mediocrity
TORONTO – Newly appointed Raptors GM Masai Ujiri, at a press conference announcing his hiring over the weekend, made clear his intention to rebuild the team from its current horrible state …
