VICTORIA, B.C. – Striking a self-sacrificing blow for international gay rights, local non-sports fan Jamie Donaldson has been refusing to watch the Sochi Olympics.
“It’s been really difficult to not watch a series of events that I am totally uninterested in,” Donaldson said, “But somebody has to stand up for the rights of others.”
Among the events that Donaldson has not watched at this Olympics or, indeed, at any other Olympics, are Biathlon, Ice Dancing, Hockey and “I don’t know, Frost Wrestling?”
“I don’t care how many baskets the Maple Leafs score in this year’s Hockey game, I am not supporting one single inning of Vladimir Putin’s Olympics,” said Donaldson, who also valiantly does not buy clothes from any of the Joe Fresh outlets that are further than a twenty minute drive from his house.
Friends of Donaldson have lauded his decision, saying that they would have boycotted the Olympics as well, if the Luge hadn’t carried so much meaning and personal significance for them.
“It’s the ultimate battle of man versus sloped surface,” said Donaldson’s friend Mariella. “It takes real ethical fortitude not to watch the Luge.”
This is not the first time Donaldson has voted with his money. An asthmatic who gets headaches from caffeine, Donaldson also boycotts cigarettes, non-fair-trade coffee, and human meat products.
