KINGSTON – Queen’s University administration is currently investigating a hazing incident involving first year English literature students who were forced to read Books IV to IX of Milton’s…
Campus
99-year-old college graduate moves back in with parents
OAKLAND – Lorraine Fuller, a 99-year-old woman who just graduated college plans to move her things into her parent’s basement immediately. “Living with mom and dad is kind of my only option right…
Brandon U requires sexual assault victims to sign nondisclosure before yelling for help
BRANDON—The Student Services department at Brandon University has instituted a new policy that protects students by requiring them to sign a non-disclosure agreement prior to calling for aid whil…
Israel pulls back West Bank settlements after McGill student union BDS vote
TEL AVIV — After hearing about McGill’s student society’s vote to support the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions Movement against Israel, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has ordere…
Student union closes University of Ottawa citing the privilege of attending university
OTTAWA — The Student Federation of the University of Ottawa has, through sheer force of will, closed the University of Ottawa citing a hodgepodge of Marxist teachings and various notions of…
500 thankful university students find out they aren’t going to York after all
500 almost-students breathed a sigh of relief this Tuesday after they were informed by York University that they were sent acceptance letters by accident and would not be forced to enroll. “Norma…
Men’s Rights group demands safe space on campus to complain about women’s safe space on campus
MONTREAL – McGill University is under fire from MRActive, a group of Men’s Rights Activists that is demanding a safe space on campus to complain about the women’s safe space on campus. “We …
Memorial University recognizes prof’s religious right to be a dick to students with disabilities
ST. JOHN’S — Memorial University has announced that it will accommodate any professor’s religious right to be a complete ass towards students with any type of disability. “Our university ha…
White students union promises safe space to conquer, enslave nations
TORONTO – Postering the York, Ryerson and University of Toronto campuses, the group ‘Students for Western Civilization’ is calling for the creation of a safe space that would allow white st…
Creative writing graduate now has skills to imagine job he’d be qualified for
WINDSOR – Following his convocation earlier this week, creative writing graduate Kyle Rapoport, 22, is using his refined expertise to pretend that there are jobs he could do. “The market ma…