NEW YORK – The NFL has declared themselves victorious in this month’s Pink Ribbon campaign to raise awareness about breast cancer, a disease that poses the biggest threat to women’s h…
CNN disappointed with Canadians’ lack of panic
OTTAWA – Following widespread, international coverage of the murder of a war memorial guard by a radicalized man with terrorist sympathies and the subsequent shootout in Parliament, news me…
October 20, 1970: FLQ cell requires Bescherelle to write this week’s ransom note
MONTREAL – Members of the Front de libération du Québec ‘Liberation Cell’ were forced to use a Bescherelle after struggling with their French grammar writing their weekly ransom note “Is th…
Canada to politely bomb ISIS
KUWAIT CITY – After receiving parliamentary approval to conduct airstrikes in Iraq, Canada’s CF-18s will bombard ISIS targets in a friendly and polite manner. “We know that ISIS poses a sig…
ISIS recruitment campaign targets angry gamers with promise of real life war on women
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Following the GamerGate controversy and the use of online bullying and threats of violence against female game makers and journalists, ISIS has begun seeking recruits i…
Canada’s first case of Ebola wondering where to find airport exit
MONTREAL – Canada’s first future Ebola patient has been aimlessly walking around in the arrivals section of Montreal’s airport for the past 15 minutes in a search for the exit. Harold Sidn…
The guy who replaced Jack Layton to wear name tag
OTTAWA – In an effort to get Canadians accustomed to his name, the Official Opposition Leader who replaced the late Jack Layton will now be wearing a name tag during working hours. “Canadia…
Human Rights Museum to revitalize Winnipeg’s economy by showcasing the suffering of others
WINNIPEG – Canada’s Human Rights Museum, with its seven floors of exhibits on the brutality endured by peoples the world over, is expected to be an economic boon to the city. “If it weren’t for t…
Newfoundland Premier-Designate accused of insufficient quirkiness
ST. JOHN’S – The winner of Saturday’s Progressive Conservative Leadership race, Paul Davis, stands accused of being insufficiently unusual to lead Newfoundland and Labrador. Opposition pol…
