MONTREAL – Members of the Front de libération du Québec ‘Liberation Cell’ were forced to use a Bescherelle after struggling with their French grammar writing their weekly ransom note
“Is the sentence ‘Any further military escalation will result in the immediate execution of James Cross’ in futur antérieur or futur simple?” asked one of the kidnappers to another while skimming through verb conjugation guide.
“Beats me,” replied another kidnapper who held a gun up to the British Trade Commissioner’s head. “I never learnt that stuff. Did you check the back?”
The kidnappers then began to argue about which relative pronoun to use while declaring their violent revolution against the Canadian state and Quebec’s future independent, socialist utopia.
“Don’t forget to call Trudeau a queer!” reminded a third kidnapper who was watching the news on the mass arrests occurring in Montreal.
According to sources, the cell was planning on mailing the ransom letter to the authorities, but realized most of the surrounding mailboxes had already been blown up by other FLQ members.