VICTORIA – Self-dubbed “marketing aficionado” Lester Plant is beginning to worry his friends and family, as he becomes increasingly covered in serious burns in an effort to step up his pers…
Snob only reads novelizations of films
REGINA, SK – Searching for authentic storytelling, local coffee shop assistant manager Shawn Brockston says he is done with mainstream Hollywood films, opting to only read the novelizations…
Gardiner fan “stoked to finally pay this sick highway what it deserves”
TORONTO – Self-proclaimed “Gardiner nut” Candace Matthews was thrilled when Toronto mayor John Tory proposed road tolls for her favourite highway earlier this week. “I always felt bad using…
TFC’s Giovinco tragically unable to stop scoring goals in everyday life
TORONTO – Despite not having played a game in several days, Toronto FC forward Sebastian Giovinco’s body has not allowed him to stop scoring goals, netting thirty-two in total across venues…
QUIZ: Is the call coming from inside the house?
It’s late at night. A storm rages outside. Thunder booms so loudly you’re starting to think the whole house might collapse. The lights flicker on and off, and the phone rings. You wonder to yours…
You are ten years old – what treat will you receive from Grandpa?
You’re ten years old, and it’s time for a visit to grandpa’s house. Will you end up getting a treat or will it end up being something much, much worse? To find out, start your j…
Satan confused after some enjoy his cruel act of raisins in cookies
HELL – The devil has expressed frustration and confusion at the fact that some of humanity has appeared to like raisins in cookies, what he considers to be one of his most depraved acts of …
Poohead keeps trying to change nickname
CALGARY – Reports indicate local man Jackson “Poohead” Hanover has been continually trying to change his nickname to anything but Poohead, despite reports stating he is the perfect Poohead.…
Baby shocked to learn its name is Wayne
WEYBURN, SK – As local infant Wayne Bender gained an increased sense of awareness of the world Thursday, he was startled to discover his name was, in fact, Wayne. What began as a thrilling …
QUIZ: Which Saved by the Bell character are you? We desperately search for someone, anyone on this Earth, who is not Screech
Time to take a trip back to Bayside High! Which one of the coolest kids in school are you? We yearn to find a single soul amongst all of humanity who is not Screech. Our search so far has been in…