ALBERTA – In an attempt to win over the youthful protest groups throughout Canada and the USA, today the TransCanada Corporation announced a new massive halfpipe line and accompanying skate…
God makes surprise appearance at World Pride parade
TORONTO – As the World Pride parade drew to a close on Sunday, crowds received a special treat when the Creator of the Universe unexpectedly arrived on a specially designed float. “Wh…
Toronto zoo boosts attendance with new ‘all you can eat’ ticket
TORONTO – To kickstart the busy summer season, the Metro Toronto Zoo has introduced a new “buffet style” experience for interested visitors. “Zoos are great resources for conservation effor…
Fans detach selves emotionally to prepare for Game of Thrones season finale
CANADA – Fans of the hit HBO program Game of Thrones nationwide began to sever any and all of their connections with their favourite characters, fearing that yet another of the show’s…
Hallmark sues third grader over plagiarized Father’s Day card
SASKATOON – Hallmark is launching a lawsuit against local eight year old Charlie Samson, accusing him of having stolen the concept of one of their greeting cards. “‘Best Father Ever’ is a p…
Rest of nation trying not to be too happy about Habs loss
CANADA – Canadians outside of Quebec carefully hid their excitement today following yesterday’s elimination of the Montreal Canadiens from the NHL playoffs. “Of course it’s very unfortunate…
POLL: Many would vote for Tim Hudak if he were completely different person
ONTARIO – With the Ontario election only one month away, polls are predicting a landslide victory for Tim Hudak, if he is willing to entirely change his campaign, policies, political party,…
Montrealers promise they’ll riot only if Canadiens win, lose
MONTREAL – In a brief statement read by mayor Denis Coderre, the citizens of Montreal promised that they would only riot in the event of a win, or of a loss by the Montreal Canadiens agains…
Local man loses struggle with pickle jar
ABBOTSFORD, BC – After a minutes-long battle with the lid of a pickle jar, local husband and father Ron Sanchez finally succumbed this past Thursday, at home, surrounded by friends and love…
Conservatives unveil new ‘just fuck shit up before 2015’ plan
OTTAWA – After a year plagued by scandal and unpopular legislation, representatives of the Harper government have announced that the administration’s new strategy is to just try and pass as…
