TORONTO – Writer Alice Nguyen has found herself completely unable to complete a pivotal moment in her novel in which her main character, Michael, opens a pickle jar. “I just can’t find his …
City boy ain’t got the guts
THE PRAIRIES – Although he came in faking like he was hot shit, eyewitnesses at Scraggly Dan’s Saloon are reporting that this namby-pamby, suit-and-tie man don’t know what he’s getting hims…
Biological father, stepfather both show up to house wearing Santa costumes
CALGARY – Joshua Hughes, 7, suffered a mild Christmas trauma today when William Hughes, his biological father, burst into the family home in a Santa costume when stepfather James Cohen was …
Syrian refugees successfully integrate into Canadian culture, already hate Toronto
TORONTO – A group of Syrian refugees are being lauded for assimilating so quickly into Canadian culture after they immediately identified and lambasted all of the things that suck about Tor…
Radio DJ ensures gun loaded, door barred before starting another week of Christmas music
TORONTO – Jason “Smooth J” Carruthers, DJ for “The Flex” on 98.1, has spent the weekend beefing up security measures in preparation for another week of non-stop Christmas music. “In the sec…
BREAKING: Tax dollars being used to pay Trudeau children’s allowances
OTTAWA – An investigative report has unearthed that the weekly allowances of Xavier and Ella Trudeau are currently being paid using taxpayer funds. “Daddy said I get a whole $5 to spend eac…
NRA mourns as USA hit by 338th totally random, unpreventable mass-shooting this year
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – In a tragedy that no one could have predicted, the USA was rocked yesterday by a random mass-shooting for the 338th time this year. “After the first one this year we …
Local man against accepting refugees while Canada still has so many unsolved Rubix Cubes
CALGARY – Paul Leslie, a self-described concerned citizen, has claimed that he doesn’t understand how the government justifies the cost of bringing in Syrian refugees when Canada has spent …
Amazon.com mails out 260,000 page home shopping catalog
NORTH AMERICA – Just in time for the holiday season, online retailer Amazon.com has released its annual catalog of the products available on its website, a convenient tool for home shoppers…
Retailers across Canada brace for Hanukkah rush
CANADA – As November nears its conclusion, stores both big and small across the nation have begun preparing for the massive Hanukkah crowds. “Oh yes, it’s far and away the busiest time of t…
