QUÉBEC – Quebec Premier Pauline Marois and the Minister Bernard Drainville, have mandated that all newcomers learn french so that they can comprehend the bigoted slanders made against them.…
Rob Ford denies the existence of Chief Blair
TORONTO – After being questioned about the previously elusive crack video now in possession by Police Chief Bill Blair, Mayor Rob Ford vehemently denied the existence of the “alleged” head of the…
The Beaverton endorses Montreal municipal candidate: Maximus Corruptus
The editors at the Beaverton have endorsed Maximus Corruptis for Montreal’s proconsul. The Beaverton editors believe that as the American Empire crumbles, we need only look back to t…
The Beaverton endorses Montreal municipal candidates: Team Mob
The editors at the Beaverton have endorsed Team Mob for Montreal municipal office. The Beaverton endorses the re-election of Team Mob. Tradition is the backbone of any great city and the Beaverto…
The Beaverton endorses Montreal municipal candidates: Team Stock Photo
The editors at the Beaverton have endorsed Team Stock Photo for Montreal municipal office. This bright team of comfortably generic models will bring a convincing synergy to Montreal’s City …
Canada, EU reach free trade deal after Dave eats nation’s supply of Brie cheese
BRUSSELS – Canada and the European Union have signed a historic free trade agreement, which resupply Canadian fridges after Dave ate all of country’s Brie cheese. “Canadians will be relieve…
Doctors admit ‘turn-your-head-and-cough’ procedure one big practical joke
TORONTO – The Canadian Medical Association announced today that the procedure of twisting a man’s scrotum and asking him to turn his head and cough is a longstanding prank. Until now, docto…
Senators on Throne Speech: ‘So this is what the Senate looks like’
OTTAWA – Members of the Canadian Senate were impressed to see the Senate Chambers for the first time during the Speech from the Throne early today. “It’s all red!” said an amazed Janis John…
PROROGATION UPDATE: Harper thanks republicans for making him look so polite
OTTAWA – Taking some time out of his not-so-busy prorogation schedule yesterday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper wrote a letter to John Boehner and the Republican caucus thanking them for mak…
Canadian navy warship contributes to drug bust by not sinking
HALIFAX – HMCS Preserver made the difference in a cocaine bust in the Caribbean Sea by staying afloat earlier this week. “The Royal Canadian Navy demonstrated professionalism and hard work …
